Girl is scared of commitment reddit. Don’t waste your time.

Girl is scared of commitment reddit First of all, that girl might probably has had a very bad experience in her past that has conditioned her to fear any future commitment with someone she likes. She will talk to other people but when I talk to her she freezes up and says nothing. I had a crush on her, and I thought she did too, but it may have been my own misinterpretation. I don’t believe in marriage and true love and happily ever afters – I’m a cynic, a rough diamond (if that) This applies specially in your case, if the girl has fear of commitment, as she will feel overwhelmed even if she really likes you. And every other one has to be something tiny. Also if we like it or not, the more partners one person had in the past, the less the chances are for that person to have a long relationship. A lot. This is the girl I lost my virginity to. I am afraid of commitment after a very bad relationship ending. One day when it gets all too much, she will leave, never text you again and do everything she can NOT to like you. We now have been together for 2+ years and are living together. If you're afraid to commit, this is unlikely to make either of you very happy in the long run. If she says she can't commit it means she can't commit and that's it. Personally, I have no fear of commitment and actually prefer it; however, I do have a fear of attachment. But I also take it seriously to let people know that when we meet. I am not sure about other guys but the only reason I am scared of committing to someone is because I am scared of getting hurt again if things go wrong. And there's no consequence if you just decide to stop dating that one person. Whenever l created a dating profile l felt like l was a chair or a car for sale. one min they want you the next they’re scared of commitment. Eventually I decided that I really couldn't A player can retire, but he knows games. I’m open to the idea there is someone out there that would add to my life but I haven’t met them yet. And I've broken up with them, so there is no way to ask. Yeah I’m sad and depressed. We've all had those phases. tl;dr find a new girl and everybody wins (except for the attention whore) so ive identified as aro-spec/grey-romantic for a bit now. To be quite damn honest I'm still a bit scared of girls (others at least), which I guess is Dudes want to cum in every girl they see, leave right after, and go and hang out with the boys. i met this girl (19F) and we have really good chemistry and she has MANY qualities that i feel very lucky to have met someone with. So the tiny things, for example, the way the sun shone through the clouds, or a flower you saw growing out of a crack in the sidewalk, or a pretty girl that smiled at you. But even if it is, it doesn’t matter. So if so many men have a fear of commitment, what does that say about men's average experience with committed relationships? Also, I've witnessed many divorces in my time, and i have to say that divorces are usually not fair to men. just like im pretty sure u have dated plenty of guys who u never went on a 2nd date with. I’m so sick and tired of it. People are so afraid to open themselves up for they could be judged. I've turned away guys, not because they're committed, but because they seem more committed to falling in love, than with me myself. I've In my experience as a girl, and coming from a relationship where my bf and I always talked about marriage and babies - I think it's impossible to call someone committed until you've seen them commit. To answer the main question: yes, fear of commitment is absolutely a real thing. 😂Now I’m with a girl who truly appreciates me. like if ur committed you'll end up hurting them or urself so yk why try . See what happens. I mean Serling and Bertz (1990) even created a measure for psychologist to use to measure fear of commitment. I do really like him but I can't hold back the fear and doubts about being in a committed relationship again. Humans are a proud species, and we continuously strive People with a fear of commitment may desire deep, lasting relationships, but past trauma or fears of getting hurt prevent them from taking the leap. But, he wants me in his life. I met a boy. Women, though not only women, desire security and promise. great communication skills, not afraid to talk about taboo topics, and we are compatible in many ways. Scared of relationships, and just scared to commit in general. But all of this makes me feel bad because i lead guys on. . Your situation has nothing to do with her being Chinese and everything to do with you not being experienced with women. And in a 'return to default' mode if fear, uncertainty (or any other situation) come into him, he might fall back to being as game for whatever something a newly-committed-personality might be very hurt by. We do so much together. My fear of commitment stems from my abusive childhood with my parents and with what happened with my first and only ex. Yes it is about a specific woman or rather women, because I tend to attract commitment phones(3 thus far). As the quote goes "Women hold the key to sex, men hold the key to commitment". 10 years later, I still regret the heck out of it. Based on his comments, it sounds like he doesn't want commitment, but likes getting the benefits from it. It can be a perfectly well reasoned logical argument that leaves you able to elaborate exactly why you don't want to commit. And it's okay if you tell this girl that you're not sure about things but just want to meet up when you can and take it slow. One time she actually changed direction when she saw me walking in the direction towards her. We met through friends. I quickly learned that I do indeed have a fear of commitment in this case that didn't exist 20 years ago. I think if you feel safe with someone, and are not scared of who you are or can be or becoming what you were,and you know what you want commitment can be easy. I like the freedom to cut and run/change tack if things don't work for me. With each new partner, a piece of our soul dies. A clear sign of having a partner who’s scared of commitment is that they don’t have many or any close friends. That mentality is the quickest way to lose her. Scared of commitment, am I ready? Throwaway. But, now it seems like the tables have turned and I’m on the receiving end of someone scared to commit to another person and looking for something out there that is right in front of their eyes. I’m terrified of being vulnerable, and commitment is practically a synonym for vulnerability. I think a lot of younger people, both men and women, are more hesitant to commit in the current dating landscape. People aren’t scared of commitment, they just don’t want it with you. say Alhamdulillah and move onto better things in shaa Allah. Just in a different way. so not sure how that would turn out. Men are not born with a fear of commitment. I am not in love, but I do really like this girl and want to see where things could go. It’s a familiar narrative in the dating scene: You’ve been seeing someone for a while now. I'm only 22 and I enjoy the promiscuous aspect of not being in a relationship. My girlfriend is very sweet, but Hi, I 21F can’t seem to commit to who I’m currently dating 21F, we’ll call her Jenny. It's easier to ease into commitment if you feel like it's 100% something you wanted. Things have But at the same time she tells me she is scared of commitment, hi. When a person really knows who and what they are, commitment isn't an issue, until then, it really is. Ghosting and shit was a thing back then too. I didn't want to tell her and end up hurting her, and whenever she brought it up I'd chicken out. If anyone has some advice I’d be really happy to know. I hope it’s not late for your case, but I wish you the best of lucks! There are three big reasons you may fear commitment. View community ranking In the Top 1% of largest communities on Reddit. Once you find the root problem, it becomes significantly easier to attack the problem. Fear of commitment . Additionally, men are generally physically stronger than women. " Actually I don't like to be too friendly to men in general unless they're real chill about a Plus online dating is incredibly superficial by nature, it doesn't matter how solid your profile is if you have a weak photo album. If they are never intimately attached to someone, they can never be wounded again. I (f22) heard at least three times from men that they are afraid of what they feel for me. I'm really scared of commitment or relationship in general. I will even wager that is a bigger form of rejection. Especially when it’s someone you trust. I have been with my husband for 11 years and he is my family. The Reddit comments, along with people this guy and I mutually know, say that he’s probably reluctant to admit his feelings for me. She is asking me when we are going to get serious. I would suggest taking your time with the initial jump. Most Aquariuses aren’t scared of commitment, they just don’t want to commit to YOU. Not scared, but wary. A little flirting but not much happened then, but 1-2 months back we were at the same party, we flirted, kissed, she was super into me (her friends even told me) and I tried setting up a date that weekend. It’s a nice way of saying they don’t like you. Specifically, what constitutes moral judgment, and what this subreddit can and cannot give advice on. I just don't want to go through the same again But maybe I’m scared of commitment too? I don’t want to tie myself down, but at the same time I want a boyfriend. This is the only girl I've kissed or had any romantic relationship with during my (young) adult life. i just think with the right person that you wont miss out on those things😇 just takes time trusting I’m personally not scared of commitment but I am skeptical of other people to an extent, and the reason for that is that I’m typically always there for the people that I value in my life, but nobody seems to be able to reciprocate to the same extent, and it reaches the point where it feels like I care more about others than they care about me. I also find it hard to trust him with details of my life and that's impacting us because I'd have to tell him often that I'm going to retreat or be by myself for a couple of days because I'm scared of sharing what I'm doing with him and fear his There's this feeling of dread I get when I think about having to put in all that energy and commitment toward someone. I'm in a new relationship now (32 now) and struggling to keep my fear of commitment to myself and not let my partner feel what I'm going through. If you have any questions, please send the mods a message. There's a lot of options out there for people who use dating apps and sometimes the grass looking greener on the other side causes people to break off things that have potential to be great. In the past I’ve had this fear and I usually push through it! Resulting in relationships that start good but get sour. e. 🤷‍♀️ There are certain things that should be spoken about when you initially start talking to somebody IMO. People on Reddit said it sounded like he’s scared of commitment. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. I’ve never been in a relationship or been intimate with somebody - alot of this is because of my fear of commitment and intimacy, but lately I’ve been trying to change this. It sounds like this girl has been honest with you about her past and her commitment issues, which is a good thing. I was dating 7 guys in my life, but every relationship was toxic - mental, verbal, physical abuse. she told me she likes me and she would be interested to go a step further and become serious. Avoidant- very independent, fears getting close to people, pushes people away when they get too close, fear of commitment, uncomfortable with emotional intimacy Fearful-avoidant- wants emotional intimacy but is afraid of emotional intimacy, generally hot and cold behavior, confusion on whether they want to attach to someone or not. I've(28f) been in a relationship w my bf(37m) for like 8 months ths officially but our relationship naturally progressed from friends to fwb and then an awesome relationship. We become numb to love and afraid of another commitment. So if people here are saying girls has commitment issues just because she won't "go steady" with you, that's not commitment issues. The person who treats me great and I want to have sex with all the time. I really liked him, he was really nice, we had a good time together on our first couple dates, but then I was just like, oh my god, I'm too insecure for this, I'll do something wrong, I really like him I'm going to mess this up, and then I just ended it all. 1st most of us men want a long term commitment rather than playing the field that's why most of us get married in the 1st place. I’m 40, divorced. Or check it out in the app stores   but feels like I’m somehow scared of commitment. And honestly, I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her too. I feel like I can’t commit to anyone to be honest. we have a date tomorrow, and we are not committed to each other yet, but she kind of talks Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app He then tells me he has had a friends with benefits situation with a girl for a month (just a month after our dated my ex for almost 4 years but he’s scared of commitment and now we’re broken up for a month. This also happens, many will say a person is afraid of commitment, but they are just afraid of committing to that particular person. im not afraid of it, i just prefer not to yk be committed . Yup! The very first chance at a relationship I ever had, when I started university. i really like her too and actually I wanna be with her as well, just I feel like I have commitment issues. I'm more curious about what commitment this gentlemen is referring to. At 3 months, he convinced himself we weren't a romantic match. I get a rising feeling of doom whenever I think of something as "this is it forever". ” ― Nelson Mandela Everyone has a fear of marriage and commitment these days. Not sure why, but girl seems scared to talk to me. and i dont have the energy to show 'affection' and 'care' , im just blunt sometimes and i hate dealing with my emotions and It all comes down to insecurity. I’ve never said anything bad or done anything weird to her, I’ve only seen her a few times and tried to be nice. Hey folks, I, M(22), just met a person who fits all the criteria and I want in a SO. Because she has commitment issues, she is afraid of intimacy. But if we've been together for a substantial amount of time (4-5 months), we care about each other and our relationship works on every other level, if the commitment isn't there by that point I'm done. Just that you know' at that point I hadn't fallen for her yet but 2 or 3 weeks laterYeah, I did. (This doesn’t apply to the ghosting, lack of communication or effort aquariuses) I posted about it on Reddit because I was honestly kind of confused by his answer and wanted to know what strangers thought. So either he can give you what you want, or you move on. Or check it out in the app stores because there is this girl is I really love and she loves me too but I dont want to be in a relationship because im scared of commitment. Maybe it’s because I often imagine it will be like how I have this girl best friend of 15 years (we still get along and have crazy fun tgh). Most of the time it isn’t. For further guidance, please see our wiki. She’s also stated she doesn’t trust men. I tried once and went on 2 dates, they were good looking and had a good personality but I felt so annoyed with them texting me and having to Follow reddit rules. How to overcome your fear of commitment Overcoming the fear of commitment involves understanding the underlying causes of your fear and taking gradual steps to address them. I am not a bad looking guy at all I’m 6”4, go to the gym etc, financially successful. so i’m 18F, lesbian, about to go to college. Yes absolutely I feel like I’m always longing for a world that doesn’t really exist in all facets of my life, relationships included. I have a fear of menstrual blood especially, so I just don't do periods anymore. the other day my friend was talking to me about her commitment issues and named a couple things that i would think of as aro traits (especially things from before i knew i was aro spec) but she labled as commitment issues/amxiety. I see it with my girl friends too, they just don’t wanna commit to anything real. As a 48 y/o Secure, I became Anxious with my 47 y/o Dismissive Avoidant. Commitment phobia is a fear of decisions. Men are afraid of what women will do to them once they commit. Sounds like you meed to learn basic game. Have my kids, a successful career and a pretty healthy social life. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. It's understandable that you might be worried about getting hurt, but it's important to remember that everyone comes with their own set of issues and baggage. Do not bully or harass other users. then you can’t be surprised if you keep having the same outcome with all of them. Honestly, a LDR takes commitment above all things. When I got my second DUI I had a mandatory 20 days. Personally I'm afraid that I'll marry someone and they will immediately quit their job and refuse to do anything, leaving me to take care of them financially and domestically. Let the idea of her potential go. Step 1 don’t be scared of losing her. Girl #2 is amazing, she’s who I would be willing to commit to although I’m scared and nervous about it, she’s so great. That's a personal choice to not commit, not that they really do want to commit but are just "afraid to. ROCD does come with fear of commitment for me. The next step is to see what happens. Women also deal with rejection too. Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. She's confessed she likes me, and actively plans for a future together. Reply reply Same! I once heard people have different ways of how they attach to people. Right now I, personally, feel not ready to commit because I have issues I want to work through and wouldn’t want to put all that load on another person. At its core, a fear of commitment is often a fear of intimacy. So me and this girl have known each other since HS. I m scared that I will cheat on her and hurt her as a result. I've "Fear of Commitment" is not a bad thing. If you're into someone, you don't need a new job and a better house to commit. Now I know what it feels like. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. I do know she has had a bad break up 2 years ago but don’t know details. Deal and move on. Yees I'm also terrified by the idea of it, it's been 2 years since my last serious relationship(at least on my side), I like to flirt and go on dates but at the same time afraid of commitment it's just too much for me, my trust issues and my low self-esteem, it just feels like I'm signing up for something knowing It's gonna stress me out and I have commitment issues because I am terrified of being hemmed in/getting bored/missing out. If he tells me straight up that he's afraid of commitment and wants to take things slow, I'll respect him for knowing himself and his needs so well. it's all about 'girl power' and 'independence'. Especially if I really like them I fear something will go wrong and ruin the entire relationship. Here's the quote: I would say that the biggest such change was when I was younger, I really, really valued freedom. This is a way for me to know if I'm specifically doing something to make them fear It isn't necessarily fear that precludes commitment. He's amazing, and I love being around him but I've also got commitment issues, not in the 'oh I cheat all the time' issues but more like the thought genuinely ties me to my bed and I'm terrified of even the thought of hanging out with him now and I cry I'm so scared. I was seeing a girl kind of infrequently for over a year and, in the past few months, things got much more serious and I had strong feelings for her. This is why I don't like to be too friendly with men who have fairytale Disney beliefs about love and marriage being "forever. or told them u didnt feel the spark. She told me that in these situations she just needs a little bit of space. Also I feel like people on OKC are afraid of looking needy so they avoid commitment or looking for commitment in their bio. I would say I have been TOO committed at times. You enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other; things seems to be moving in the right direction. But I'm scared because committing to this girl is rejecting the possibility of any other romance. Some aren't afraid of commitment they are just not sure they're current partner is worthy of committing to. Try to picture how I feel when he talks about the future. That said, I'm talking about a big commitment. Fear of commitment or fear of misogyny? I completely understand. I am 17 and I can count at least five men who have harassed me or made me uncomfortable because I'm a girl. If you’re looking for help with your commitment issues, you’re not Commitment phobia, also called gamophobia, is an intense, persistent, and irrational fear of committing. — Men can have high sex drives at the same time as respecting women they have sex with. Commitment issues, or a fear of commitment, is a term often used in reference to romantic relationships, but also applies to a person who finds it hard to commit in other areas of life. Commitment doesn't involve security in the same way that marriage does, and I believe (as do many guys, it seems) that security is the enemy of passion. I don't have a reason to be wary of black people I don't know. Find another girl to be interested in. This is a way for me to know if I'm specifically doing something to make them fear My theories are: • she is afraid of either falling for someone or commitment. You feel vulnerable. Give that 40 a tilt & drink deeply, girl that's my advice. I have been to her homeland, know her extended family, and traveled the world with her. No matter how "afraid of commitment" someone is, they would commit if they liked you enough. I (20F) haven’t had a crush in probably 4 years. Marriages even more so. I like this girl a lot but I think our feelings are progressing at a different rate. We learn it through experience with women. Hello, and thank you for your submission. Commitment comes at a cost of freedom, and some men are happy with the status quo and don't want to sacrifice anything more or expose themselves to a higher degree of Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. " With the implication that it makes you somehow deficient (even if you ARE Fear of commitment is a real phenomena that can possess people, as in a man can have fear of commitment and not be able to commit to any partner no matter how perfect. I've been on 4 dates with this guy and he's great. For some reason I have always had healthy, long term relationships and it never crossed my mind to jump from one relationship to the next because of a fear of commitment. Men are afraid of what the state will do to them when said woman wants out of her own Afraid of commitment? My girl bitches all the time, wants me to take her places,buy her stuff, put up with her nonsence about my female friends etc. The accompanying confidence boost will help you relax, make you appear silly title I know but I think that I (18F) have just realised, that I have a fear of commitment. So in a nutshell, it hurts. Don't feel down about it. When I date someone I give them everything, and to receive anything less in return results in heartbreak. All was well until this last few weeks we’ve noticed her struggling with being in a relationship(She ticks literally all of the boxes for commitment issues). In one simple sentence he changed everything I thought I knew. "At the root of commitment phobia is often a subconscious and deep fear of trusting others," Bromley says. Reddit iOS Reddit Android Reddit Premium About Reddit Advertise Blog gf of 2 years pretty much wants marriage/family commitment or breakup, she is the first girl I've really and not really had any good friends who happen to be female. Even when i had healthy relationship, i did everything to fight with them and i don't know why. It takes nothing to just only date one person. I'm very scared of commitment and getting hurt again. I hate falling under the same category as people who say they have commitment issues, because I feel much different. I’m not even talking about marriage, just a committed relationship. You can't help someone who won't help themselves, but you can at least tell her that counselling is important to you and you want to do it together. We both agreed we wanted to know each other more, we are taking it slow but I’m scared it is all going too slow and I will loose him. I love being in love, but I always find myself longing for singleness when I get there. Men are afraid of losing what they worked for because a woman they committed to has rejected them and does not herself want to be committed to him any longer. I suspect a fear of commitment isn’t his actual issue. they just dont want intimacy/commitment WITH YOU. There is the secure attachment style (which is basically the normal and best one lol), then there is the anxious-preoccupied attachment style (those people need reassurance and closeness a lot) and then there is the dismissive avoidant (which is when you don't like intimacy and pull away from — Men have high sex drives. Most were trivial misdemeanors that lead to little more than a night or two in lockup waiting for arraignment. I know now, after our long break-up conversation, that she is ready for (and was expecting) marriage-like commitment from me. etc etc its the same thing. Posted by u/gamedude101 - 9 votes and 12 comments The fear of commitment vs commitment issues This might be the same thing, but with the rise of people having "commitment issues" I feel the urge to explain myself. It can stem from a number of factors in somebody’s life, whether that’s past relationship, childhood issues, even just anxiety or low self esteem, etc— there’s so many factors that can play into it. Any thoughts on the situation would be appreciated, and I’d love to get a girls pov on this. Sometimes I'd Not just "let's be exclusive. things like, being reliefed when relationships dont work out, not getting further AskWomen: A subreddit dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, lives, and experiences; providing a place where all women can comfortably and candidly share their responses in a non-judgmental space. i have been seeing a girl casually for a few months. , and that we’re there for each other and care for the other person this sub is for advice about specific dating situations not general debates. So I (25M) have been dating this girl (25F) for a while and we are basically in a relationship, but haven’t said it out loud. I knew a girl who was scared of men in general, well, cautious, I guess. Scared they're gonna? I committed a good many. Why would either one want the other for anything other than fucking? People don't work on themselves, don't have productive/interesting hobbies, and have nothing in common bc covid scattered us all to the 4 corners of the internet where we're used to hearing exactly what we Now, whether it's committed, bf/gf dating, that's another story. so maybe my boyfriend and I will be like this as well, long committed relationship yet a lot of fun. Not sure why the girl in question wasn’t into you for the long term but having commitment issues is a real phenomena. If you want this relationship to work it's on her to fix it, and it's on her to make changes. • possibly bipolar • or I’m just not who she wants. After talking for a while, it became clear she did not want to be romantically involved with me, and asked for a promise that if I were to stay in her life, I would try my best to get past these feelings, a I wouldn't really say "afraid" per se, but my friends are all very vocal about it being the case. I know it’s a generalization because men are like this too, but it’s just been my experience. Please take a moment to review the rules listed in our sidebar. I want you to spend your days searching for senseless beauty. So I’ve been dating this girl for about 5 months. A lot of the men that women actively seek are some of the least incentivized to settle down; if attractive people are constantly throwing themselves at them, what reason would they have to settle down if they're happy with the attention? I do want to note, though, that "afraid of commitment" can easily be used as a bit of a snarl: "Oh, you don't work in a different manner, you just are afraid of commitment. Why ?? Why I'm afraid of commitment? I have this girl in my life. Your job is As someone with ROCD I understand what you are asking and the answer, at least in my case, is yes. So while I don't fear having a girlfriend, marriage is something which at the moment strikes me as a likely passion killer. Depends on where you are in life. But more precisely, it will remind you of the feelings and the personal story you believed when you were 13. Maybe they like you but they don't wanna settle down. Minoxidil is always there for me, never complains if I have to do other stuff before spraying it on, doesn't mind if I go out as soon as I do it, never bitches, only wants me to use it 2 times a day. I’m not scared of commitment, but I do have to ask what I gain from it. Most men would sleep with just about anyone, but they don't commit to just anyone. At the end of the day, every relationship ultimately runs its course, commitment or no commitment. If this girl who doesn't want a relationship quite yet does nothing, you know she didn't really want a relationship at all. Either someone wants to commit or they don't. posts about relationships longer than 6 months post go to r/relationship_advice or if you are married post to r/marriage Anyway, just wanted to vent lol. View community ranking In the Top 5% of largest communities on Reddit. Like in the same way that the way to get rid of a fear is to face it. She is the first girl I have known that I could possibly commit to. Instead, given it's a viable option (i. I’ve done it before and I don’t want to it There are a lot of reasons why a particular man might not be interested in commitment (it's not always from a place of fear). Too many women beat their clits over how superior they are to men because they can 'commit'. For me personally, I'm afraid of commitment because I just don't want to be hurt again. When it's men 'hey, you got some commitment issues buddy'. I don't know that I would classify a "fear of commitment" and "fear of attachment" as the same thing. The player will always field you I went through something very similar, I think a lot of guys do, and it's certainly different for everyone. I've been arrested tried and punished for my various offenses. But the problem is that I’m so scared in these moments. " That's not commitment. I don’t see what’s so scary about it. But, I felt like this girl checked all of my boxes and she made it apparent I did hers. I’m afraid of her leaving me because she doesn’t know how to handle it otherwise. But, I have a terrible fear of commitment. It’s prejudice and stereotyping, literally 0 difference in that and a white person being scared of a black person and treating them differently. I was committed to a girl for 4 and a half years during which she just kept hurting me by different ways possible. life is too short to be w someone who is unsure about you. fear of missing out can be a reason, for me is it fear of missing out on my freedom my life my dreams myself my growth. In my opinion: no difference. Now I’m afraid to hurt others in that process so commitment is terrifying. I’m scared to get married. Don’t waste your time. It’s really sad, I’ve lost men in my life for that reason. Men are not afraid of commitment. She knows that she feels like that because of her fear and understands it. You break contract and it’s over, hell, you may even get many warnings before the relationship is over. We went ahead with it eventually, but it did kind of put it in perspective. Thanks, birth control! I haven't had a period in 10 years. Don’t let the fear of the unknown keep you tied to a relationship that is not and never will give you what you need. Also, stop generalizing women. After dating for 15 years, I realized I had internalized the idea that I shouldn’t look for commitment out of fear of scaring off what relationships I did have. Hi, I am an INTJ male, and recently started seeing an ENFP female. Finally if she is "scared" of commitment suddenly like some kind of panic attack, tell her that she needs to tell you so at least you can be ready and somehow comfort her. Maybe she was in a toxic relationship that constantly hurt her or she has been rejected abruptely by someone she loved, so she now fears of ending up the same way with you and therefore closes to commit to other people. We have dated one year. — Men not wanting to commit to women they have sex with is not the same thing as being commitment phobic. Fear of commitment will manifest itself in every stage of the relationship, not just the decision to get married. No this isn't a confessional. I 28m my I'm afraid of commitment. And it's because it feels good to be in control. "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. Some people might have deep trauma thats affecting them in ways they don't know about yet, and that could be the case, but a lot of times its just guys learned at a very early age that emotional vulnerability is a weakness, and others will make fun of you for it. It's Capricorn Venus literally looks to relationships as contracts. Much of the time I do the same but sometimes I've gotten into these moods of looking for problems, getting scared and pushing him away, and allowing my fear of commitment to create ambivalence about him (not in the sense of doubting how I feel - more in the sense of doubting that I am safe from emotional harm and need to abandon him before he abandons me). Commit to doing this every day for 3 months. So here goes: The girls I had a thing with previously equated "commitment" to spending more time together (which almost always meant spending less time doing my hobbies), talks about moving in together, bringing up kids and marriage etc. This goes for both genders too, fwiw. Men have more to lose from marriage than women and if you do separate, society will most likely blame you (not her). There’s a difference between scared and not interested Also these aren’t new reasons. To commit is to bind yourself to a particular course. When in reality this is what they want. I could feel her fear as she told me she was really afraid to lose me as a friend, as every relationship she had ever been in ended badly. Getting close to someone, especially a girl, will subconsciously remind you of your mother passing away. Literally talk to boomers. You're likely afraid/nervous because you're scared of rejection. All three cases are exact same words “I feel too comfortable and I’m afraid of it”. I think I'm starting to accept it may just be my personality. 2nd congratulations of finding what sounds like an amazing partner because the older we get the harder it gets to find someone single that's a good match. It isn't a fear of commitment as much as it is a fear of surrendering control over their lives. Also remind her that you both really need to work on the commitment issue because nobody not you nor any of her bfs in the future if she has any, would accept a gf who cheated on them and even if it did, it would My friendship with one girl fell apart within a week, and although myself and the other girl managed to talk things out (she apologized for saying the things she did and confessed that she was really just pissed and didn’t mean it) we drifted apart after I graduated. Your partner may have limiting beliefs about themselves, so they'll have a hard time Commitment issues, or a fear of commitment, is a term often used in reference to romantic relationships, but also applies to a person who finds it hard to commit in other areas of life. She's just so afraid I'm going to hurt her. — Sorry :( But if he is into you he’ll commit to monogamy with you. His excuses are dumb. She asks about my day all the time, she texts me super quick all the time, love her attitude, love her energy, and she’s super pretty and gorgeous. I get so much anxiety and I'm even crying in bed at the thought of dating. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. I do have a reason to be wary of men I don't know. And because of my own issues I’d have a hard time leaving them. She is 33 and the clock is ticking. Relationships are a huge gamble and they have the potential to ruin your life. There is zero commitment there. I can’t imagine life without him. My commitment issues stems from my own insecurities with trust, jealousy, and feeling like I’m the only one with my best interests at heart in the long term. Holidays,sports,fishing etc Everything is so perfect. Yeah it’s horrible, and what sucks more is that my ex also told me it had been weighing on her for nearly a year, but she didn’t want to bring it up and make me anxious (probably because I once told her that I was afraid of our relationship failing someday - my own fear of abandonment) so she just kinda kept it to herself and then, at the breakup, unloaded all these needs/wants that I I think it’s worth it Does she? Asking if she wants to see a therapist isn't the solution, because she doesn't. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Women are just as capable of being afraid of commitment for the same reasons. I'm a guy, so when I found out this about her, I was surprised because we had become friends so easily. I ask them why they are afraid of that feeling and they just say “I never ever felt that way before”. For me, it triggered my commitment issues because while I realized how much I want to be with him, I realize commitment does mean accepting that you have to commit to this person and all their baggage and flaws, which for him (and me to be honest) is jealousy and posession. They’ve been (valid) reasons since the Dawn of dating. Is it an actual fear of commitment, or do you just not want to commit? I have been with my SO for 10 years and there is no verbalized commitment in place. I think she is an amazing person and I am happy to just be friends if she is finding it harder to be committed. Not all men are scared of commitment, but if you keep going for the same type of guy because that’s what you’re attracted to . You will have to have such a strong commitment that one of you is willing to leave their country so that you I had a girl want to be exclusive with me, and for my own reasons I decided that I didn't want to be with this girl. My "boyfriend" and I haven't been able to make things official yet because everytime I think of the title of GIRLFRIEND I feel uneasy and anxious. Instead, I am very conflicted. Countless times I have seen women fall into temptation and ruin perfectly happy marriages sometimes even with kids. I still can’t move on but he’s already in FWB Thing is, we rarely commit but we also don't play with others so it's a good achievment if we can commit to someonebut for an enfp the situation is really different. Here are some strategies to help you work through your fear of commitment: Self-Reflection: Take time to introspect and identify the specific reasons behind your fear of TL:DR: M(22) scared of getting hurt by someone I see a long term future with. If you can't be self aware enough to admit your own issues, I relate to that SATC scene where Carrie is trying on wedding dresses after Aiden proposes and she has an anxiety attack where she literally rips the dress off her body to escape commitment It's complicated and can be manifested through a number of things, but here are some of the most common reasons I have found for why some people fear commitment: Liking freedom: Having Fear of commitment generally refers to the fear of dedicating yourself to something for a long ti It’s not uncommon for people who avoid long-term relationships to hear they have commitment issues or a fear of commitment. He has made it painfully clear he doesn’t want to, won’t, and NEVER WILL commit fully to YOU. When I did have them, I only used the biggest pads I could buy (tampons and cups were totally out of the question), I avoided changing them in public restrooms whenever possible, and I wore gloves for especially messy changes. That is rejection. But like I said, haven’t committed much before. It’s not so much of a commitment issue but rather a fear of being cheated on. I’m terrified of commitment. Either she realizes you’re a catch and she will appreciate you enough to commit, or she will leave and you will have started the healing process. Boyfriend is afraid of commitment? My boyfriend (27yrs old) and myself (30 yrs old) have talked about our future together after about 1 year of dating. Take it from a guy who was committed to a girl long distance, flew down to Guatemala to see her, then got dumped after dating for over a year. They are meant to be fun, supportive, loving, respectful and all of that. " It's a line. I'm not talking about considering marrying every girl I've been with or being attached to them at the hip and only hanging out with them or anything so juvenile as such. Or this 'fear of commitment' should be applauded and encouraged because it promotes you to analyse why are you scared to get into a relationship. a date or some other romantic situation), assume s/he wants to kiss you. It won't help you seeing clearly. If she gets all back into you, it's because she wants your attention, not a relationship. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOUR POST IS REMOVED. Another thing that has really helped shed light on why I have commitment issues is discovering where it all stems from. Maybe I just haven’t found the right person yet. There's a lot of time and interaction goes on between "flirting online" and "committed long term relationship" and you don't have to go 0 to 60. Plenty of data by the FBI and literally every other source shows blacks commit murder at over 5x the rate of whites, but nearly everybody calls that racist to judge blacks that way. There's a difference between fear of commitment and fear of marriage. I wouldn't say this is resolved. All a committed relationship means to me (25 F) is that we’re exclusive, we’re a team and try to bring out the good in each other/be each others cheerleader, etc. Abandonment is a big component but I think the larger issue is a fear of intimacy. they arnt scared of intimacy/commitment. When I’m with him it’s like i’m looking in the mirror, a real reflection of my soul. If commitment issues run deep, you may feel like this: Afraid of being trapped and controlled; Scared of a loss of If you're like me, you're probably afraid of commitment for fear of losing your freedom. The idea of letting someone in, falling for someone else, giving myself to someone again sounds scary. It hurts because I’ve met multiple women who were physically attractive or intelligent if not just a very nice personality (which is the most important to kudos to you for stopping all communication!!! my mother always says a scared man is someone you cannot rely on because they will be wishy washy. You have a pretty weird way of looking at relationships. Im scared that I might not be able to provide for her in the future and Im also scared that I might hurt her To be fair, if I thought about commitment the way that you do I'd be scared of it too. I would feel too trapped to agree to something like that. The freedom of doing anything, of going anywhere, of being with anyone. krrmfdu wuu pco ishkrf fccl oux octe qldwrk fsyktc agrq